


Know My Soul

by icandrawamoth



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Based on a Tumblr Post, Crying, Goodbyes, Grief/Mourning, Hoth, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-03 18:32:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12753825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icandrawamoth/pseuds/icandrawamoth
Summary: “Are you ever going to let me tell you?” Hobbie asks into the comfortable quiet.“Nope. I don't want to know how I'm going to die.” It used to be a contentious thing between them, the fact that Hobbie wanted to know about his soulmark and Wedge didn't. Now it's more a rote joke. ...at least until Wedge looks at Hobbie's.





	Know My Soul

**Author's Note:**

> A while ago, I read [this post](http://the-ghost-of-keith-kogane.tumblr.com/post/166968410328/soulmate-identifying-marks-that-ive-seen-used-in) listing some alternate soulmate au ideas, and the one about being able to see a mark on your soumate that shows how they'll die really stuck with me. Pair that with the fact that I appear to be dealing with Tycho not being canon by glomming onto Hobbie and making him my new Wedge OTP and you get this tragedy.

The entire room is freezing, just like the rest of Echo Base, but Wedge can only feel it in his cheeks and the tip of his nose. The rest of his body is nicely warmed by the blanket of Hobbie's naked form draped over him, their body heat trapped and combining beneath the heavy quilt. They're both lazy and sated after a round of good sex, just relaxing together, Wedge's arms draped loosely around Hobbie's waist, Hobbie's lips resting on the side of Wedge's neck. The place he always returns to in moments like this, over the mark there only he can see.

“Are you ever going to let me tell you?” Hobbie asks into the comfortable quiet.

“Nope. I don't want to know how I'm going to die.” It used to be a contentious thing between them, the fact that Hobbie wanted to know about his soulmark and Wedge didn't. Now it's more a rote joke. ...at least until Wedge looks at Hobbie's.

His right arm comes from under the covers, prickling in the cool air as his fingers trail across Hobbie's neck, the small figure of an Imperial All-Terrain Armored Transport etched there in his skin. “I wish I didn't know yours either.”

Hobbie props himself up on his elbows and looks at him, the hint of a smirk on his face. “It would be hard to know we were soulmates if you didn't.”

Wedge sighs. “Don't you ever wish that? That you didn't know what was going to happen to me?”

Hobbie shrugs, amazingly nonchalant for the fact that they're discussing their deaths. “Hard to answer that when I can't give you any context.”

Wedge rolls his eyes. “You're avoiding the question.”

“Maybe.” Hobbie flops down on him again, goes back to lavishing attention on his neck. “Anyway, just because you know how doesn't mean you know when. Maybe I live to a ripe old age and an AT-AT at a museum somewhere falls over on me.”

He laughs, and Wedge tries to echo it, but the sound is hollow to his own ears. He touches the mark again, remembers back to Atollon, the first time the two of them faced walkers together. He'd been convinced he was going to lose Hobbie then, and he couldn't describe the relief when the day ended and they were still together. He wishes he didn't have to feel that terror at the very thought of an AT-AT appearing in any given battle.

“You shouldn't be able to think this loud with a naked man in your bed,” Hobbie points out, turning a glowing smile on him. “Maybe I need to distract you.”

Wedge's arms tighten around him, and he forces a smile of his own. “I think maybe you do.”

* * *

Three days later, the Empire finds them.

 _Imperial walkers on the north ridge,_ the call comes as they're making for the snowspeeders, and Wedge's stomach drops. In the chaos, he barely has a moment to catch Hobbie's eye across the hanger, see him mouth _don't worry._

As if he can not worry when he knows for a fact that the machine that's going to take his soulmate's life is out there, that it could happen today. Nonetheless, Wedge has to swallow his anxiety – the Rebellion needs him, needs all of them, not distracted or worried, but doing their best work. He does his best to push the thoughts to the back of his mind. Hobbie is as a good a pilot as he is, Wedge knows that, and if he's not going to survive this battle, there may not much Wedge can do about it, painful as that fact is.

Wedge's speeder flies across the snow, and he has to suppress a shudder as the five walkers come into view. The lumbering metal monsters and their deadly heavy blasters are a danger to more than just his own heart.

Rogue Group falls into formation, and Luke and Hobbie take the first fly-by. A glancing shot hits Luke's speeder, and when he announces he's lost his gunner and calls in Wedge to test his harpoon and tow cable theory, Wedge shelves his worry for Dak and follows. A grin blooms on his face when the walker is felled, and he can practically hear Wes echoing it behind him.

The levity doesn't last. The battle is pitched, losses on both sides. Wedge's heart is in his throat as a snowspeeder is destroyed, then another, grief for newly lost friends quickly pushed aside as he focuses on his flying, Hobbie's voice coming across the radio, letting him know he's still there. Minutes later, he finds himself paired with he and Kesin for another attack run, the familiar thrill of flying alongside his soulmate zinging through him. But as they approach, the AT-AT spits red laserfire – which connects with Hobbie's ship. Wedge feels frozen at his own controls for a long second as he watches the other snowspeeder veer out of control, and then Wedge's ship has taken him away, obscuring his view.

“Hobbie!” he shouts. Yellow fire blooms in his periphery. “Rogue Four-!”

“They're gone,” Wes's voice comes from behind him, grim. “Wedge, I'm-”

“Save it,” Wedge barks. He takes the way his heart twists, the pain that threatens to overwhelm him, shoves them in a box, and slams the lid. “We have a job to do.” He grips his controls with numb fingers. He has to concentrate now if he doesn't want to die today, too.

So he throws himself into the battle, cutting between the remaining walkers, talking shots when he can. Watches helplessly as one of them manages to take out the shield generator, following his surviving brothers home when the order comes to retreat.

He lands the snowspeeder in the designated area, the group reconvening where their X-wings wait for the final escape. There still isn't time for grief or comfort. Wes squeezes his arm before dashing to his ship, and Wedge moves mechanically as he gets into his own, countless repetitions letting him run the start-up sequences without thought.

He's lucky he makes it off the planet and into hyperspace without being shot down. He doesn't remember any of it. But then the blue light of hyperspace is swirling around him, and he's safe for the duration of his flight, and before he's even given himself permission, the tears break free.

Great, gulping sobs wrack his body as he wrestles off his misted helmet and shoves it into a corner before burying his face in his hands. Hobbie is gone. There's no way he survived that crash; Wedge doesn't even have hope. The cursed future the soulmark predicted had came true as he knew it would, and it doesn't make it hurt any less.

Wedge doesn't hear the first time his astromech beeps at him; the sound only filters into his perception the second time, shriller and more insistent.

“What do you want?” he asks roughly, but glances across his instrument panels to check for problems.

The droid whistles.

“A message?” Wedge's heart thuds painfully. “What message?”

There's a click and then a voice from the X-wing's comm system. “ _Hey, love._ ” Hobbie. Wedge gasps, presses a hand to his mouth to stifle another sob, because he has to hear this. “ _Um, if you're listening to this, I guess that AT-AT finally found me. I'm sorry about that. I just wanted to leave you this to make sure I had a chance to say goodbye._ ” There's a pause and for a desperate second, Wedge thinks that's it, but then he goes on. “ _I love you, you know. Probably have ever since I met you back at Skystrike, even before we saw each other's marks, when you were the first person to ever fly circles around me._ ” He laughs fondly, and Wedge _hurts_ because that's the last time he'll hear his soulmate make that sound.

“ _I know you're hurting right now, Wedge, and I hope it doesn't sound selfish that I won't tell you not to. I know how I would feel if I lost you. I guess I'm lucky I get to go first. I'm sorry. But it'll get better; you'll be okay, eventually. That's the other thing I want to tell you right now. I know you never wanted to know what your soulmark was, and this may be disrespectful or whatever, but consider it my last wish: I'm going to tell you._ ”

There's a longer silence, and Wedge bites his trembling lip to keep himself quiet. “ _You're going to outlive this war, Wedge_ ,” Hobbies voice comes again, warm and with something like relief. “ _It's old age for you, buddy; you don't have to worry about a thing. And, sorry, I have to get serious here for another minute: I know it's too soon for you to think about this, but you're going to find someone else, okay? I know you love me and we're soulmates and all that stuff, but I want you to be happy. I know you, Wedge: you need someone. You'll find someone else someday who loves you, and I want to let yourself love them, too. Maybe they'll be your new soulmate, or maybe not. Doesn't matter._

“ _Anyway, I think that's all the important stuff. Gonna say this again, though: I love you. Don't forget that, whatever you do. Oh, and try not to cry too much. It makes your face all red and puffy, and I know how vain you get._ ” Wedge chokes, a sound that's more sob than laugh. “ _I gotta go now. With any luck, I'll be back at my ship deleting this message in a little while, and you won't have to hear anything like it for a long time. We can hope, right?_ ”

And that's how it ends, the last words he'll ever hear out of Hobbie's mouth.

Wedge lets himself break again, tears streaking down his cheeks unchecked, chest aching with grief as his sobs echo back at him in the tiny cockpit, because all he wants right now is Hobbie back in his arms, safe and warm, more than just a ghostly voice on the comm, and he knows he's never going to get that again.

 _I love you, too,_ he thinks fiercely and remembers so vividly the last quick kiss they shared after Leia briefed them on the evacuation and thinks they deserved more. More life, more time, more love, just _more_.

He's going to get more while Hobbie never had that chance. Old age. It's not fair. Wedge would laugh if he could. Some kind of get out of jail free card that means he doesn't need to worry about any future battle he might face. He doesn't even know how to process that.

He rests his forehead on the console, closes his eyes against the dizzying blue. Tries to steady his breathing a little, at least keep from hyperventilating, from getting too close to that edge. His astromech is trilling worriedly, but Wedge can't find it in him to reassure.

The only words he can manage now are, “Play it again.”

**Author's Note:**

> _Know my soul is where my momma always prayed that it would go_   
>  _And if you're reading this, I'm already home_   
>  _~If You're Reading This, Tim McGraw_


End file.
